Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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