i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
