When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
