it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
