Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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