Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
