farters have to be the big spoon...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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