PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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