I just pynch a tree in the face
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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