Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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