My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
