I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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