Your dad touched me again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
