Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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