you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
