just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
