we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
