remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
honey bunches of taint.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
