My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
