lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
