3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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