do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
high people should be assigned attendants
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
