Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
