i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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