let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
