So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
