Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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