Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
