He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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