why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
