I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
