What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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