rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
