What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
