i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
