what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
