We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im holly from the hills drunk
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
