He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
