he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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