we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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