he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
