My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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