dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
