i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
