I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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