you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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