I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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