a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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