Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
