he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
