I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
