I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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