I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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